my testimony.
Sunday, October 07, 2007
figured what better way to start my blog than my testimony right?
i officially accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour in 2006. last year. yes. a born-again christian. =] on and off during gb camps and sermons, i have raised my hand and said the sinners' prayer. when i was young, i went to sunday schools. my father's family are catholics. yet it never did sank in. accepting Jesus in my life did not impact me as much those few times.
i feel so stupid now. if i really took Him into my life those few times, i would have known Him earlier and what a blessing that would be. but better late than never.
i accepted Him in Church of Praise. rachel brought me there. thank God for her or i will not be who i am now. i remember that day. a saturday. the sermon was about burdens. about how Jesus will carry all your burdens if you let Him. that really struck me.
i had a lot of burdens then. coming from a divorced family is hard. being the eldest in the family is hard. everyone relies on you. school was school. i just came out of my dark days. yea, my depression. lasted for two years. horriblest time of my life. but i came out of it. unscathed but broken. surviving but not truly living.
it was hard. low self-esteem. absolutely no confidence in myself. feeling utterly worthless. my life was insignificant. better off dead. better for everyone. even when i came out of it, it haunts you. still does. the cold. the loneliness. lost and confused. desperate for warmth that seemed so far away. that was me.
that day i was touched. the words really hit my heart. i understood what she meant and i wanted it. i wanted to surrender my burdens. to let someone else carry my burden. and i did. i gave it all to Him. i asked Him to promise me He'll never leave me.
the feeling after that was amazing. peace. my heart was as light as a feather. His presence. and i knew He'll keep His promise. i knew He'll always carry my burdens and be with me. never leaving me.
it was still a hard road after that. i had doubt. i was unsure. my mind kept saying He doesn't exist. that He was not real. that He couldn't be what they claim Him to be. it was hard. i was always in conflict. i wanted to believe but there were just so many voices in my head. i didn't know which one was His.
i was desperate. i needed to know He exists. i seached for Him. i wanted Him. i wanted to feel His presence. to hear His voice.
dc camp 06. it was a tiring time for me. i searched for Him so hard. desperate. i was so desperate. during prayers, i looked for Him. i prayed. i cried. in a way, i did find Him. i remember crying on this girl's shoulder and her shirt was wet. lol. i realised something too. i have courage through Him.
i'm not a stage person. its not me who speaks loudly and address to a group of ppl on stage. not me. but because we had to do sketches (don't we always) i had to act. and i could actually do it. plus my dialogue was pretty long too. i am so proud of myself. thanks God. =]
HUGE camp 06. the best time i had in my life. absolutely beautiful. the time of worship was awesome. psallo band from indonesia. pastor mike pillavachi (he's coming again for this year's Huge!!) was funny and his sermons touched my heart too. a blessing. i got slained for the first time in my life there. the feeling is indescribable. first time. i can still remember till now. He told me to speak. one line. i never understood what He meant till now. sad right? no worries. i'm sure i'll get it soon. second time. during the prayer tunnel. warmth. His warmth. covered me like a coccoon. i felt so safe. so comfortable. i like the feeling a lot.
not only that. i made friends. i had a good time. went around getting signatures. lol. what striked me the most during Huge was the people. all of them are God's children. yet they're all so different. there so many types of people. its a national thing. so there were people from sabah and sarawak too, i think.
there were so many people. yet we all came together for one purpose. to seek Him. during praise and worship, if you stop and just listen, the voices. they come from everyone and they sing the same song. to praise the Lord. to worship Him. girls or guys, we cried together. overwhelmed by His love. many fell to their knees. surrendering their all to God. every hand lifted up to glorify His name. every tear, every cry, every confession, every life. all for Him. definitely not missing this years's HUGE.
now. many things i have come to learn about God. to prevent myself from being utterly long-winded..
* He exists. [duh!!!] He has shown me so many times that He is real. how can i not believe? even the little flower growing outside my house proves His existence. what reason do i have to deny Him? each time i doubt Him, He shows me how real He is in my life and others. again and again. He practically chased after me till i finally got it. Praise Him indeed!
* If my heart has grown cold, there your love will unfold as you open my eyes to the work of your hand. When i'm blind to my way, there your spirit will pray as you open my eyes to the work of your hand. -Oceans will part, Mighty To Save, Hillsong-
* He will never leave me. God keeps His promise. no matter how many times i fall, He will catch me. no matter how many times i stray, He will lead me back to His path. my imperfections. my flaws. He takes them all. Come to the father, though your gift is small. Broken hearts, broken lives, he will take them all. The power of the word, the power of his blood. Everything was done so you would come. Nothing you can do, could make him love you more. Nothing you have done could make him close the door. Because of his great love, he gave his only son. Everything was done so you would come.
* He absolutely totally definitely loves me. Jesus died for me. i live for Him. He has loved me before i even knew what love was. His never ending love. eternal. His sacrifice washed away my sins. He came and died so that i can have life abundantly. He took the fall and thought of me Above All.
* He knows me by name and every thought in my head. He is a personal God. i can hear His voice. i can feel His presence. He is my father, brother, friend and lover. my tower of refuge and strength. He created me. He knows the number of hair on my head. He has a purpose for me. i am someone in His eyes. i matter to Him.
there's many more but lets stop here. lol. will continue next time. God bless~
+ Christianity. A relationship, not a religion. +
i officially accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour in 2006. last year. yes. a born-again christian. =] on and off during gb camps and sermons, i have raised my hand and said the sinners' prayer. when i was young, i went to sunday schools. my father's family are catholics. yet it never did sank in. accepting Jesus in my life did not impact me as much those few times.
i feel so stupid now. if i really took Him into my life those few times, i would have known Him earlier and what a blessing that would be. but better late than never.
i accepted Him in Church of Praise. rachel brought me there. thank God for her or i will not be who i am now. i remember that day. a saturday. the sermon was about burdens. about how Jesus will carry all your burdens if you let Him. that really struck me.
i had a lot of burdens then. coming from a divorced family is hard. being the eldest in the family is hard. everyone relies on you. school was school. i just came out of my dark days. yea, my depression. lasted for two years. horriblest time of my life. but i came out of it. unscathed but broken. surviving but not truly living.
it was hard. low self-esteem. absolutely no confidence in myself. feeling utterly worthless. my life was insignificant. better off dead. better for everyone. even when i came out of it, it haunts you. still does. the cold. the loneliness. lost and confused. desperate for warmth that seemed so far away. that was me.
that day i was touched. the words really hit my heart. i understood what she meant and i wanted it. i wanted to surrender my burdens. to let someone else carry my burden. and i did. i gave it all to Him. i asked Him to promise me He'll never leave me.
the feeling after that was amazing. peace. my heart was as light as a feather. His presence. and i knew He'll keep His promise. i knew He'll always carry my burdens and be with me. never leaving me.
it was still a hard road after that. i had doubt. i was unsure. my mind kept saying He doesn't exist. that He was not real. that He couldn't be what they claim Him to be. it was hard. i was always in conflict. i wanted to believe but there were just so many voices in my head. i didn't know which one was His.
i was desperate. i needed to know He exists. i seached for Him. i wanted Him. i wanted to feel His presence. to hear His voice.
dc camp 06. it was a tiring time for me. i searched for Him so hard. desperate. i was so desperate. during prayers, i looked for Him. i prayed. i cried. in a way, i did find Him. i remember crying on this girl's shoulder and her shirt was wet. lol. i realised something too. i have courage through Him.
i'm not a stage person. its not me who speaks loudly and address to a group of ppl on stage. not me. but because we had to do sketches (don't we always) i had to act. and i could actually do it. plus my dialogue was pretty long too. i am so proud of myself. thanks God. =]
HUGE camp 06. the best time i had in my life. absolutely beautiful. the time of worship was awesome. psallo band from indonesia. pastor mike pillavachi (he's coming again for this year's Huge!!) was funny and his sermons touched my heart too. a blessing. i got slained for the first time in my life there. the feeling is indescribable. first time. i can still remember till now. He told me to speak. one line. i never understood what He meant till now. sad right? no worries. i'm sure i'll get it soon. second time. during the prayer tunnel. warmth. His warmth. covered me like a coccoon. i felt so safe. so comfortable. i like the feeling a lot.
not only that. i made friends. i had a good time. went around getting signatures. lol. what striked me the most during Huge was the people. all of them are God's children. yet they're all so different. there so many types of people. its a national thing. so there were people from sabah and sarawak too, i think.
there were so many people. yet we all came together for one purpose. to seek Him. during praise and worship, if you stop and just listen, the voices. they come from everyone and they sing the same song. to praise the Lord. to worship Him. girls or guys, we cried together. overwhelmed by His love. many fell to their knees. surrendering their all to God. every hand lifted up to glorify His name. every tear, every cry, every confession, every life. all for Him. definitely not missing this years's HUGE.
now. many things i have come to learn about God. to prevent myself from being utterly long-winded..
* He exists. [duh!!!] He has shown me so many times that He is real. how can i not believe? even the little flower growing outside my house proves His existence. what reason do i have to deny Him? each time i doubt Him, He shows me how real He is in my life and others. again and again. He practically chased after me till i finally got it. Praise Him indeed!
* If my heart has grown cold, there your love will unfold as you open my eyes to the work of your hand. When i'm blind to my way, there your spirit will pray as you open my eyes to the work of your hand. -Oceans will part, Mighty To Save, Hillsong-
* He will never leave me. God keeps His promise. no matter how many times i fall, He will catch me. no matter how many times i stray, He will lead me back to His path. my imperfections. my flaws. He takes them all. Come to the father, though your gift is small. Broken hearts, broken lives, he will take them all. The power of the word, the power of his blood. Everything was done so you would come. Nothing you can do, could make him love you more. Nothing you have done could make him close the door. Because of his great love, he gave his only son. Everything was done so you would come.
* He absolutely totally definitely loves me. Jesus died for me. i live for Him. He has loved me before i even knew what love was. His never ending love. eternal. His sacrifice washed away my sins. He came and died so that i can have life abundantly. He took the fall and thought of me Above All.
* He knows me by name and every thought in my head. He is a personal God. i can hear His voice. i can feel His presence. He is my father, brother, friend and lover. my tower of refuge and strength. He created me. He knows the number of hair on my head. He has a purpose for me. i am someone in His eyes. i matter to Him.
there's many more but lets stop here. lol. will continue next time. God bless~
+ Christianity. A relationship, not a religion. +
Labels: faith